1 Holding Hands with Mother Archetype

i tied a bandana around armen's head and he couldn't see, and then we went for a walk. i took his hand in mine because it seemed like the most obvious thing to do, a simple way to guide and to keep him safe. that was my main concern while guiding-- i didn't want armen to feel unsafe, or uncomfortable, and i was hypersensitive of his physical responses in order to try to gain insight on how he felt with each step. i looked at the ground, at armen's face, and then around us. ground, face, around-- over and over, keeping a check on the safety both on the inside&outside of armen. i saw some people i know-- lots, actually, but most of them, instead of the usual smile & "hello," simply cocked their heads in confusion or gave a half-hearted wave. one of my close friends, in particular, scurried by-- i think she didn't see the blindfold, but she saw us holding hands, and probably left with an inaccurate impression of the situation. i wasn't very concerned about the judgement, which is even a bit surprising to me. didn't seem important, i suppose.

during my time leading armen, he gave me clues that he wanted more freedom, and while i was mostly comfortable letting him a few feet away from me, i felt much more safe when i could physically hang onto his body. i was very much concerned that i would make a mistake in letting him go too far without my hands&eyes to keep him entirely safe. mother archetype in action.

i really loved being led. i generally don't easily access these places of vulnerability within myself, but i felt very comfortable with armen and maintained a solid understanding that he would protect me-- his very nature states that this might often be the case in situations where a person shares their weaknesses with him. in guiding, he was much more adventurous than i was, which i appreciated. i felt confident in myself that he might think i could handle these situations (simple things, like walking up stairs, or into a store, or climbing over something), and also genuinely felt safe walking his path. almost everything i touched made me laugh because i was forced to immediately understand it differently than maybe i would have normally-- i felt a flower and imagined it to be an incredible shade of orange, and the fact that my brain immediately went there was just plain silly to me. in a store, i touched a stuffed animal that (i was told) had bright orange hair, and so-- well, it all felt very silly, and childlike-- imagining, wondering, feeling out. i thought about how my ten-to-eighteen year old friends at the youth center where i work are all essentially doing the same things socially, and emotionally, and how we all are, for the most part, walking blind in every new situation we encounter in our lives.

armen was talking last night, i think, about how, in order to work effectively inside of human communities, a person needs to maintain a certain fluidity-- situations and interactions and experiences aren't, and can't be, pre-programmed. i thought about this on our walk, most while being led, and about how i can more often work this into my daily actions.

i realized a few things from this blind walk; my desire to be vulnerable, my intuitive and nurturing nature, and my position (and yours) as an almost literal blind walker throughout our existences as human beings on the earth. this is some pretty important stuff i'm opening myself to.


brittany martel
brattleboro, vt