Hi,
My name is Armen. I take people on Blind Walks, among many other things. It's simple. Take turns being led blindfolded...in public. Talk about it. Right about it on this blog.
I do it, because I love connecting with people. I love being intimate with people. I love the conversation. The feeling. I love what not seeing helps me see. I love holding someone else's well being in my hands. And turning over my safety to them. I'm always looking for more people to have this experience with.
To read what people have said, scroll down.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
9 Into the Light...
Well Armen, that was an experience like I've never had before. On a full belly of Indian food we went out into the light on a beautiful day, only to have it taken away. Blindfolded, you spun me into a whirlwind until I thought about painting the sidewalk with masala and rice... Reoriented, but still blind, I took a step. Then another. Not knowing where I'm going one bit. But your reassuring hand in mine made me feel safe... And then the hand went away. On my own now, with little nudges from the back and underarm I gained a sense off false independence. Left to myself for 10 seconds, you saw me climb a banister, hit my head (which still hurts) turn around, and bang my knee into a bike rack. Thanks! Head in hand now, I needed guidance... Oh, how much power you held after I lost the use of just one sense. I mean I could smell, taste, touch, and hear. But I couldn't get ANYWHERE without you. This fascinated me. The trust that I gave you. My life was truly in your hands. Crossing streets. Buses whizzing by. Teeter tottering around fountains.
What fascinated me even more, perhaps because I trusted you already, was that without sight, I lost my overactive self consciousness. I usually hate being a public spectacle, but without so much as being able to see the people laughing at me, it didn't matter one bit. I think that this type of immersion into society could prove very beneficial in my growth process. I would love to do this again soon with added elements.
In a safe environment, you left me on my own to explore. I felt silly, like I was experiencing some kind of light deprivation hallucination, seeing beams flash before my closed eyelids... Pawing at the air, they disappeared. After being unblindfolded, I looked down to see the lights in the sidewalk. What a trip. What was even more of a trip was looking around. All of the detail of a modern metropolis was brilliant after 2 hours in the dark. Truly amazing what sense deprivation can bring about an appreciation for.
Onto the guiding side of things, I'd have to say I wasn't that great at showing you the way. Stumble after stumble, laugh after laugh, I realized that someone giving you their life and well-being in your hands is kinda difficult. I can't say that you enjoyed the toe stubs either. But hey, it's all part of learning. I was glad to experience the concepts of trust and trustworthiness today. Thank you for spending the time with me to do so. I hope to do it again.
-Ben Browner,
age 24
Seattle, WA
Response...
Dear Ben,
when we walked people weren't laughing at you. They were smiling, warm smiles. Like people smile at a baby. Everywhere we went. When we crossed the highway on the overpass, there were beautiful images all around. Strange clouds. Breath taking sunset. I wanted you to see. I didn't know how to translate the experience. And your safety demanded most of my energy.
Like a reckless child you were. Magnetically finding the sharpest edges. The one person sitting on a bench. The ledge that would have you tripping into a fountain. And you plowed your way through. Without concern. Which showed me. There is a warrior there. I felt like a father, constantly on alert. For you had this talent. Of getting into trouble. You moved by your own rhythm. There was no curbing that. Which tells me, you are a revolutionary.
You listened. And responded to my cues. Which tells me. You listen from the body.
When you started skipping, I wanted to boost you up. So you could jump higher. Really let it go. There were many times when I wanted to capture the scene on camera. But you were too active, too tactile, too daring, to give me time. Don't ever stop being those things.
As for me, I didn't mind the trips and stumbles when I was blind. There was one moment. When you had me climb onto something. And when I was atop, you pushed me, as if you were pushing me off a cliff. In that moment, I had a flash. A memory. Of being a soldier. A prisoner of war. Blindfolded. Getting thrown into a ditch. Execution style. I remember the feeling. Inside of me. A feeling of surrender and defiance. Surrender for not being able to change the situation. And defiance for having my spirit taken. And I remembered the countless times. When I was growing up. I had to endure humiliation and harassment from kids who were so angry and wounded themselves inside. And picked me as a target, because I stood out the most, and had the least amount of brothers and sisters, metaphorically speaking.
Of course in reality, your little nudge didn't take me anywhere but one step forward. However, in that moment. It was war! And I prepared myself to take a beating. The way only a warrior can.
When I was blind, I felt I saw your trickster self. And I say, go ahead. Pull your pranks. The world needs change. You are a gift in my life. A gift. And I hope we play. For a long, long time.
Thank you for being with me in this way...
Armen, 31
Seattle, WA
What fascinated me even more, perhaps because I trusted you already, was that without sight, I lost my overactive self consciousness. I usually hate being a public spectacle, but without so much as being able to see the people laughing at me, it didn't matter one bit. I think that this type of immersion into society could prove very beneficial in my growth process. I would love to do this again soon with added elements.
In a safe environment, you left me on my own to explore. I felt silly, like I was experiencing some kind of light deprivation hallucination, seeing beams flash before my closed eyelids... Pawing at the air, they disappeared. After being unblindfolded, I looked down to see the lights in the sidewalk. What a trip. What was even more of a trip was looking around. All of the detail of a modern metropolis was brilliant after 2 hours in the dark. Truly amazing what sense deprivation can bring about an appreciation for.
Onto the guiding side of things, I'd have to say I wasn't that great at showing you the way. Stumble after stumble, laugh after laugh, I realized that someone giving you their life and well-being in your hands is kinda difficult. I can't say that you enjoyed the toe stubs either. But hey, it's all part of learning. I was glad to experience the concepts of trust and trustworthiness today. Thank you for spending the time with me to do so. I hope to do it again.
-Ben Browner,
age 24
Seattle, WA
Response...
Dear Ben,
when we walked people weren't laughing at you. They were smiling, warm smiles. Like people smile at a baby. Everywhere we went. When we crossed the highway on the overpass, there were beautiful images all around. Strange clouds. Breath taking sunset. I wanted you to see. I didn't know how to translate the experience. And your safety demanded most of my energy.
Like a reckless child you were. Magnetically finding the sharpest edges. The one person sitting on a bench. The ledge that would have you tripping into a fountain. And you plowed your way through. Without concern. Which showed me. There is a warrior there. I felt like a father, constantly on alert. For you had this talent. Of getting into trouble. You moved by your own rhythm. There was no curbing that. Which tells me, you are a revolutionary.
You listened. And responded to my cues. Which tells me. You listen from the body.
When you started skipping, I wanted to boost you up. So you could jump higher. Really let it go. There were many times when I wanted to capture the scene on camera. But you were too active, too tactile, too daring, to give me time. Don't ever stop being those things.
As for me, I didn't mind the trips and stumbles when I was blind. There was one moment. When you had me climb onto something. And when I was atop, you pushed me, as if you were pushing me off a cliff. In that moment, I had a flash. A memory. Of being a soldier. A prisoner of war. Blindfolded. Getting thrown into a ditch. Execution style. I remember the feeling. Inside of me. A feeling of surrender and defiance. Surrender for not being able to change the situation. And defiance for having my spirit taken. And I remembered the countless times. When I was growing up. I had to endure humiliation and harassment from kids who were so angry and wounded themselves inside. And picked me as a target, because I stood out the most, and had the least amount of brothers and sisters, metaphorically speaking.
Of course in reality, your little nudge didn't take me anywhere but one step forward. However, in that moment. It was war! And I prepared myself to take a beating. The way only a warrior can.
When I was blind, I felt I saw your trickster self. And I say, go ahead. Pull your pranks. The world needs change. You are a gift in my life. A gift. And I hope we play. For a long, long time.
Thank you for being with me in this way...
Armen, 31
Seattle, WA
Sunday, December 20, 2009
8 Traveling by Touch
If you didn't invite me I probably never would have gone for it, even though I really wanted to. I decided constant touch was the best way to guide if I couldn't be verbal. But, as we discussed, I had to balance between being oppressively in control and keeping the experience free-flowing. If anything, though, I wanted you to feel safe. This was excellent exercise for both my body and spirit at once. I was fully willing to trust you when I was blind, but I also found it interesting that I needed to deeply trust myself when you were blind. It was such an engaging chore to guide you. I easily lost track of time when I had to see for two. As soon as I was blind I felt we were constantly walking toward a cliff. But we went through a wormhole instead. I walked for some time, but I felt no real shift across space. Between putting the blindfold on in the greenhouse and taking it off at your door, everything happened on the other side of reality. I'm very glad to have been liberated from my assumptions and constructions of the world when you took up the chore of guiding. I was a kid again, waiting to see where we were going and how we would get there and what it would be like once we did. I want to keep seeing the world as I did when I couldn't see it. I will try to keep feeling it as I did when I led you.
Jeremy Horlacher, 30
Seattle, WA
Response...
You were like the ocean to me. Blue. Vast. Depth uncharted. There was a quiet mist around you. A haze that caused me to conclude that you feel and think vastly. Looking, liquid. Like the ocean, at every crevice of this life space continuum. I wondered if your silence was the choice of shyness, or the choice of keeping it in the realm of the sea. Regardless, I wanted to see, through your eyes. To see what it looked like to you.
Had you not revealed, that you wanted to go on this walk but couldn't ask, I wouldn't now have the courage to begin asking more people to go. Wondering who else might be really wanting, but shy. For me that's big, as I lived so much of my life feeling uncomfortable asking people to be with me in some way. You opened my eyes like that.
And thank you for taking me to the botanical gardens. For introducing me to another safe haven in the city. To sit, and touch, and commune with my plant friends, and rest my sometimes weary bones. Our walk was sweet to me. Like the kaleidoscope view of the sea, vast and blue, on a breezy summer day. Knowing, there is depth and strangeness lurking underneath the skin. Waiting for it to emerge.
Sacred.
Armen, 31
Seattle, WA
Jeremy Horlacher, 30
Seattle, WA
Response...
You were like the ocean to me. Blue. Vast. Depth uncharted. There was a quiet mist around you. A haze that caused me to conclude that you feel and think vastly. Looking, liquid. Like the ocean, at every crevice of this life space continuum. I wondered if your silence was the choice of shyness, or the choice of keeping it in the realm of the sea. Regardless, I wanted to see, through your eyes. To see what it looked like to you.
Had you not revealed, that you wanted to go on this walk but couldn't ask, I wouldn't now have the courage to begin asking more people to go. Wondering who else might be really wanting, but shy. For me that's big, as I lived so much of my life feeling uncomfortable asking people to be with me in some way. You opened my eyes like that.
And thank you for taking me to the botanical gardens. For introducing me to another safe haven in the city. To sit, and touch, and commune with my plant friends, and rest my sometimes weary bones. Our walk was sweet to me. Like the kaleidoscope view of the sea, vast and blue, on a breezy summer day. Knowing, there is depth and strangeness lurking underneath the skin. Waiting for it to emerge.
Sacred.
Armen, 31
Seattle, WA
Monday, November 30, 2009
7 Blind leading the Blinder
Why I did it I don't really know. It could have been to collect another story that I could impress some girl at a bar or on a bus or at a party with. Maybe it was because I was truly looking for some sort of spirtual experience that would rescue me from at best, a dry life of boredom and at worse hell fire. Maybe I just liked Armen alot and wanted to hang out with him, but for whatever reason when he asked me if I wanted to do a blind walk with him I said yes without hesitation. We were to meet on the Monday after Thanksgiving under a message board sign for a community college on a typical Seattle day. I arrived 15 minutes early because I was on vacation and had nothing else to do that day but meet Armen. I passed the time by reading the forth Harry Potter book, the only one I had passed over in the seven book series. I just coulden't wait to find out what would happen to Harry and Hermonie so I just watched the fourth movie, read the last chapter of the book and moved on to the fifth story. My life has since slowed down enough that I have decided that the fourth book was written for a reason and I should read it. So there I was reading Harry Potter waiting for Armen in the cold.
Armen and I had met twice before. The first time we met I read him some of my poetry and he told me about his dreams, we became friends. The second time we met Armen eloquently explained his problems with the health care system and I disagreed with him, so we argued alot. It was fun both times.
He walked across the street, right on time. I smiled and gave him a casual wave. He told me that we would each get a chance to be the blind and the blinder and that I could pick who would go first. I went first because that's the kind of guy I am. Armen blinded me at a park next to a large fountain because I like the sound of water and that's where I most prefered to be blinded. After about five minutes of being led gingerly through the park I told Armen about my time working with children who are blind. I told him that it was strange to be so out of control.
He took me to Seattle University and said we were going to have an adventure. I perked up, "whoa an adventure" I said with a grin. "Let's see if you can engage someone in conversation while your blind." Armen said.
"I dunno if I can do that without seeing, point me in the direction of people who are sitting down and are happy."
Armen never found people who were sitting down but we did find people who were happy. Pleanty of happy people, all female though. I asked one of them if she thought, me going about as a blind person was insulting to blind people. She said no. She sounded beautiful. I'm sorry I missed seeing her face.
Armen walked me deeper and deeper into the school. People opened doors for us as we went into warm, sometimes noisy sometimes quiet buildings. I know this because Armen said "Thank you" a lot. We went on an elevator. It was fun. I tried petting a puppy I couldn't see. The puppy rejected me, not letting me pet it. But it was okay because that was fun too. After about 40 minutes of walking about Armen restored my sight. I could see again. But when I opened my eyes I found my self in a part of Seattle I had never been before. I didn't know how to get back and Armen, my friend and guide was about to lose his sight for the temporary foreseeable future. Would we be lost forever? I tried heading to the first major street to get my barrings but found my self till lost. Armen frequently tripped over cracks and steps in the side walk because I was trying to figure out where I was and I'm horrible at multi tasking. Armen tock it well, he wasn't injured. After 20 minutes of walking in circles I finally told Armen where I wanted to go, a favorite coffee shop of mine. He remembered where it was from the time when he could see and offered to help me find it. So with me giving him mostly accurate discriptions of the streets and landmarks we passed Armen the blind man, led me the blinder man to his favorite coffee shop. Where we shared tea, talked about God and celebrated our sight.
Jasen Frelot, 24
Seattle Wa.
From LA, Ca.
Armen and I had met twice before. The first time we met I read him some of my poetry and he told me about his dreams, we became friends. The second time we met Armen eloquently explained his problems with the health care system and I disagreed with him, so we argued alot. It was fun both times.
He walked across the street, right on time. I smiled and gave him a casual wave. He told me that we would each get a chance to be the blind and the blinder and that I could pick who would go first. I went first because that's the kind of guy I am. Armen blinded me at a park next to a large fountain because I like the sound of water and that's where I most prefered to be blinded. After about five minutes of being led gingerly through the park I told Armen about my time working with children who are blind. I told him that it was strange to be so out of control.
He took me to Seattle University and said we were going to have an adventure. I perked up, "whoa an adventure" I said with a grin. "Let's see if you can engage someone in conversation while your blind." Armen said.
"I dunno if I can do that without seeing, point me in the direction of people who are sitting down and are happy."
Armen never found people who were sitting down but we did find people who were happy. Pleanty of happy people, all female though. I asked one of them if she thought, me going about as a blind person was insulting to blind people. She said no. She sounded beautiful. I'm sorry I missed seeing her face.
Armen walked me deeper and deeper into the school. People opened doors for us as we went into warm, sometimes noisy sometimes quiet buildings. I know this because Armen said "Thank you" a lot. We went on an elevator. It was fun. I tried petting a puppy I couldn't see. The puppy rejected me, not letting me pet it. But it was okay because that was fun too. After about 40 minutes of walking about Armen restored my sight. I could see again. But when I opened my eyes I found my self in a part of Seattle I had never been before. I didn't know how to get back and Armen, my friend and guide was about to lose his sight for the temporary foreseeable future. Would we be lost forever? I tried heading to the first major street to get my barrings but found my self till lost. Armen frequently tripped over cracks and steps in the side walk because I was trying to figure out where I was and I'm horrible at multi tasking. Armen tock it well, he wasn't injured. After 20 minutes of walking in circles I finally told Armen where I wanted to go, a favorite coffee shop of mine. He remembered where it was from the time when he could see and offered to help me find it. So with me giving him mostly accurate discriptions of the streets and landmarks we passed Armen the blind man, led me the blinder man to his favorite coffee shop. Where we shared tea, talked about God and celebrated our sight.
Jasen Frelot, 24
Seattle Wa.
From LA, Ca.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
6 Running with Ducks
Hey there,
Well, today (Nov 27th, 2009) had a blind walk!
Words can not describe the feelings I got from the walk. I am a kind of person that needs to be able to touch, hear and see. I was not sure if I could do a blink walk again (I had a short one 10 years ago) because I wasn't sure I could trust.
I was wrong. When I started guiding Armen, I decided to enjoy the experience instead of analyzing it. I work with/for small children (toddlers) and guiding wasn't that hard for me. I try doing it everyday with the children so I decided to use the same cues with Armen that I use with them. It worked! I felt comfortable around Armen and I felt we were in sync. I felt I did a lot of "cue talking" with him but I just wanted to share.
When it was my turn to be blind folded, I wasn't sure if I could let go the control. As I said before, I wasn't sure if I could trust someone that has just become my friend! Again, I told myself: "What can you lose?, test yourself!" I did! I was SURPRISED and PROUD of my progress through the walk. At the beginning, I started walking with not that much confidence and afraid of hurting someone else (we went to a big park here in the area, Greenlake and there is a LOT of people and dogs running, walking or riding bikes). Through my walk, I could feel how little by little I was letting go. I felt light, aware of my senses and safe. I was walking STRAIGHT around people with no guidance!!! That felt amazing!!!
I am grateful of having this experience. I am going to Mexico this Christmas. I want my mom and sisters to feel this as well. They are always very stressed and I think something like this will let them relax and "let go" for at least a couple of hours.
I will tell you later if this comes true. ;)
Thanks for reading!
Ix-Chel, 28
Mexican living in Seattle, Washington
Well, today (Nov 27th, 2009) had a blind walk!
Words can not describe the feelings I got from the walk. I am a kind of person that needs to be able to touch, hear and see. I was not sure if I could do a blink walk again (I had a short one 10 years ago) because I wasn't sure I could trust.
I was wrong. When I started guiding Armen, I decided to enjoy the experience instead of analyzing it. I work with/for small children (toddlers) and guiding wasn't that hard for me. I try doing it everyday with the children so I decided to use the same cues with Armen that I use with them. It worked! I felt comfortable around Armen and I felt we were in sync. I felt I did a lot of "cue talking" with him but I just wanted to share.
When it was my turn to be blind folded, I wasn't sure if I could let go the control. As I said before, I wasn't sure if I could trust someone that has just become my friend! Again, I told myself: "What can you lose?, test yourself!" I did! I was SURPRISED and PROUD of my progress through the walk. At the beginning, I started walking with not that much confidence and afraid of hurting someone else (we went to a big park here in the area, Greenlake and there is a LOT of people and dogs running, walking or riding bikes). Through my walk, I could feel how little by little I was letting go. I felt light, aware of my senses and safe. I was walking STRAIGHT around people with no guidance!!! That felt amazing!!!
I am grateful of having this experience. I am going to Mexico this Christmas. I want my mom and sisters to feel this as well. They are always very stressed and I think something like this will let them relax and "let go" for at least a couple of hours.
I will tell you later if this comes true. ;)
Thanks for reading!
Ix-Chel, 28
Mexican living in Seattle, Washington
Friday, November 27, 2009
5 Full Steam Ahead
Blind Walk thoughts
The idea was fresh and interesting; I didn't understand why Armen is willing to spend so much time and energy carrying this responsibility for a stranger.
My curiosity drove me to want to understand more about the project and its purpose. I recalled memories in my past life, the fight of miscommunication and misunderstandings; humanity and the world. It motivated me very much to look forward to this experience.
Darkness covered my brain, heart started to jump faster, the ceremony began. Every step felt like a ladder. I was ready to fall anytime. Very soon, I caught a light. The light was so strong, so bright and so powerful, I became relaxed. The touch and voice from the light was full of trust and protection. I was so surprised how fast I completely let myself go. Every part of me was in an entirely different world - peaceful, small, simple and joyful. There was no worry, no destination, and no fear. My inner energy was extremely active. Every object surrounding me became foreign, but the excitement and satisfaction of discovering kept me releasing all of the pain and sadness from underneath my heart. The voice of the city: cars, people and the pressure of the objects became my second guide. I was starting to research the world through my body. I was taking an adventure through my feeling and touch. I was discovering another side of beauty through the passion of my light.
Armen encouraged me to explore myself more. More challenges arrived: stairs - up and down, little jumps, plus my other personal challenge which were the high heels I was wearing. Everything in me was unfolding. I was conscious, concentrated, and aware, and Armen was even more conscious, more concentrated, and more aware than me. His lead made my stair journey easier than I thought it would be. Here comes the jump. I didn't know and couldn't see or touch the distance. The only stability I received was the generous protection and sincere trust from Armen. I gave my hands to him, j-u-m-p.
Armen's bright energy spread to me. My inner energy continued, exploring, exploring. I was climbing a statue freely, was following Armen's sound to catch his hand. I felt I was a little kid, single-minded, playing a catching game. The power of sound directed me and helped me catch him. Armen let me walk on the sidewalk with tiny, gentle touches once in a while to keep me on track. I followed his lead, like dance. No, it wasn't like dance, it was dance. Armen danced around me, I danced around him and other passers danced around us. We all danced together. All of a sudden everything was united in one big picture. We all connected with each other. The beauty of this art inspired me and I wanted to speed up the melody. I wanted my soul to travel, to fly, to cross the Pacific and to arrive in heaven with peace. I followed the light from inside of me and the light from Armen. We were running and running with laughter. I felt I am absolutely safe.
When my eyes were free, the natural light woke me up. Reality was welcoming me back, although I wasn't ready yet.
Then it was time to switch turns. After covering Armen's eyes, I found a different personality altogether. From the very beginning, the pressure of objects hardly made him stand straight. He focused on recognizing every object around him by his other senses. He could tell when a person passed, and if it was a man or a woman, by his careful listening. After a short while he walked at a normal pace, and at times I even forgot he was blind. He was extremely conscious and curious. He looked like a five year old kid. He lost his sense of security. He climbed everything his feet could reach. He walked straight forward into the busy street. It was great, delightful, to see the beauty of releasing into a natural state of being. At the same time, watching his actions helped me understand the way I was blind. Some of what he did was exactly what I did; perhaps I looked only 3 years old instead of 5. When he was leading me, everything I did felt like a big project but actually they were just very basic small movements which every normal child can easily do.
Every time when Armen approached the target I wanted, the satisfaction of every right step he made was hard to describe. I didn't realize that precise touch was so important. Once, my poor leading method stopped him one step too early. My carelessness came to visit us too. I assumed Armen would know to make a tiny step without my direction, but he almost fell down. I was moved when he was about to fall, because of the trust he invested in me. The responsibility I was entrusted with became heavy and deep, and there is no way to weigh or measure how that felt.
The entire experience definitely touched the string of my heart. The ceremony ended. The beauty of the art stayed with me. Experiencing the world through my body was amazing. Discovering myself through a new experience and other people was very special too. Appreciating the beauty of human nature was very valuable.
Seattle, Washington
by way of China
The idea was fresh and interesting; I didn't understand why Armen is willing to spend so much time and energy carrying this responsibility for a stranger.
My curiosity drove me to want to understand more about the project and its purpose. I recalled memories in my past life, the fight of miscommunication and misunderstandings; humanity and the world. It motivated me very much to look forward to this experience.
Darkness covered my brain, heart started to jump faster, the ceremony began. Every step felt like a ladder. I was ready to fall anytime. Very soon, I caught a light. The light was so strong, so bright and so powerful, I became relaxed. The touch and voice from the light was full of trust and protection. I was so surprised how fast I completely let myself go. Every part of me was in an entirely different world - peaceful, small, simple and joyful. There was no worry, no destination, and no fear. My inner energy was extremely active. Every object surrounding me became foreign, but the excitement and satisfaction of discovering kept me releasing all of the pain and sadness from underneath my heart. The voice of the city: cars, people and the pressure of the objects became my second guide. I was starting to research the world through my body. I was taking an adventure through my feeling and touch. I was discovering another side of beauty through the passion of my light.
Armen encouraged me to explore myself more. More challenges arrived: stairs - up and down, little jumps, plus my other personal challenge which were the high heels I was wearing. Everything in me was unfolding. I was conscious, concentrated, and aware, and Armen was even more conscious, more concentrated, and more aware than me. His lead made my stair journey easier than I thought it would be. Here comes the jump. I didn't know and couldn't see or touch the distance. The only stability I received was the generous protection and sincere trust from Armen. I gave my hands to him, j-u-m-p.
Armen's bright energy spread to me. My inner energy continued, exploring, exploring. I was climbing a statue freely, was following Armen's sound to catch his hand. I felt I was a little kid, single-minded, playing a catching game. The power of sound directed me and helped me catch him. Armen let me walk on the sidewalk with tiny, gentle touches once in a while to keep me on track. I followed his lead, like dance. No, it wasn't like dance, it was dance. Armen danced around me, I danced around him and other passers danced around us. We all danced together. All of a sudden everything was united in one big picture. We all connected with each other. The beauty of this art inspired me and I wanted to speed up the melody. I wanted my soul to travel, to fly, to cross the Pacific and to arrive in heaven with peace. I followed the light from inside of me and the light from Armen. We were running and running with laughter. I felt I am absolutely safe.
When my eyes were free, the natural light woke me up. Reality was welcoming me back, although I wasn't ready yet.
Then it was time to switch turns. After covering Armen's eyes, I found a different personality altogether. From the very beginning, the pressure of objects hardly made him stand straight. He focused on recognizing every object around him by his other senses. He could tell when a person passed, and if it was a man or a woman, by his careful listening. After a short while he walked at a normal pace, and at times I even forgot he was blind. He was extremely conscious and curious. He looked like a five year old kid. He lost his sense of security. He climbed everything his feet could reach. He walked straight forward into the busy street. It was great, delightful, to see the beauty of releasing into a natural state of being. At the same time, watching his actions helped me understand the way I was blind. Some of what he did was exactly what I did; perhaps I looked only 3 years old instead of 5. When he was leading me, everything I did felt like a big project but actually they were just very basic small movements which every normal child can easily do.
Every time when Armen approached the target I wanted, the satisfaction of every right step he made was hard to describe. I didn't realize that precise touch was so important. Once, my poor leading method stopped him one step too early. My carelessness came to visit us too. I assumed Armen would know to make a tiny step without my direction, but he almost fell down. I was moved when he was about to fall, because of the trust he invested in me. The responsibility I was entrusted with became heavy and deep, and there is no way to weigh or measure how that felt.
The entire experience definitely touched the string of my heart. The ceremony ended. The beauty of the art stayed with me. Experiencing the world through my body was amazing. Discovering myself through a new experience and other people was very special too. Appreciating the beauty of human nature was very valuable.
Seattle, Washington
by way of China
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
4 Melting Away Grumpiness
I started out the day grumpy. No way around that. It was cold, rainy, and gray and all of a sudden I noticed that my waterproof boots were no longer so. I wanted to cancel, I wanted to crawl into my bed and sleep off the day. I was simply in a foul mood. I called to rain check (no pun intended) and instead of letting it go easily Armen said he'd meet me half-way and we could decide then. I agreed. As we walked uphill he made me laugh and I became more at ease, felt some of the stress disappear. Then the rain slowed. I agreed to go through with the blind walk.
In the lobby of his building he explained the rules, essentially no direct explanation of where to walk but rather direction through touch or sound, and we were off! The rain had stopped completely and there was even some blue sky visible as he tightened his scarf across his face. I linked arms with him and guided him on sidewalks littered with fallen leaves, some massed in mountains that our footsteps trundled through and some scattered across the wet cement like brush strokes on a canvas. Orange leaves clung to darkened tree trunks as we walked and the wind blew. We passed by others who barely looked up, and certainly did not act as though they found it odd to see a girl with pink hair leading a blindfolded man towering above her. We discussed the meaning of sacred spaces, and the validity of these walks and connection to the world around. I led him through an alley lush with ivy and evergreens and our footsteps echoed through the breeze. He explored an abandoned shopping cart by a telephone pole, and I marveled at how much it reminded me of a child exploring a toy. We passed by a rose bush and I led him to smell the bloom, the thorns of which he forgot about and scratched his hand upon. We reached an empty lot overgrown with weeds and tagged by a giant smiling hamburger. He leaned against the not entirely sturdy wire fence, but managed not to fall. This is where we decided to switch.
The blindfold went on.
I was surprised at how easy it was to follow his lead. Minuscule changes in his hand registered before I thought and led me to go forward or to stop. I found myself hyper aware of his hand and yet displaced from reality. I could tell when we crossed streets or went up stairs, a surprisingly fun adventure, and I could hear as people walked by. When asked if they were male or female I found that I could actually tell which, when I trusted my instincts that is. We walked down an empty street and I could feel the difference of the pavement under my feet as well as hear the wind rushing through the trees. I could feel the fall, this is when I found a sacred space of my own to return to when I need clarity. He was more adventurous than I and led me to stand on rocks, explore structures, dance around objects (by his prompting, and fumble through a hedge. We walked by an Indian restaurant and I found myself surrounded in a world of intoxicating spices, shimmering bells, and bustling city.
I felt almost weightless.
And then it was over.
This experience was like a meditation, like taking time to experience the world as it is. As certain senses fade away, others become stronger and it is like discovering parts of yourself you did not even realize that you had forgotten. From the walk I am left wondering many things, but particularly this: when I led no one noticed or paid any mind to the two of us. Yet when he led I heard many people's happy laughter. Indeed, I was told that many who passed us smiled. What made for this difference?
By the end, my foul mood melted away as the cold after drinking warm tea.
-Terri, 22, Capitol Hill, Seattle, WA.
In the lobby of his building he explained the rules, essentially no direct explanation of where to walk but rather direction through touch or sound, and we were off! The rain had stopped completely and there was even some blue sky visible as he tightened his scarf across his face. I linked arms with him and guided him on sidewalks littered with fallen leaves, some massed in mountains that our footsteps trundled through and some scattered across the wet cement like brush strokes on a canvas. Orange leaves clung to darkened tree trunks as we walked and the wind blew. We passed by others who barely looked up, and certainly did not act as though they found it odd to see a girl with pink hair leading a blindfolded man towering above her. We discussed the meaning of sacred spaces, and the validity of these walks and connection to the world around. I led him through an alley lush with ivy and evergreens and our footsteps echoed through the breeze. He explored an abandoned shopping cart by a telephone pole, and I marveled at how much it reminded me of a child exploring a toy. We passed by a rose bush and I led him to smell the bloom, the thorns of which he forgot about and scratched his hand upon. We reached an empty lot overgrown with weeds and tagged by a giant smiling hamburger. He leaned against the not entirely sturdy wire fence, but managed not to fall. This is where we decided to switch.
The blindfold went on.
I was surprised at how easy it was to follow his lead. Minuscule changes in his hand registered before I thought and led me to go forward or to stop. I found myself hyper aware of his hand and yet displaced from reality. I could tell when we crossed streets or went up stairs, a surprisingly fun adventure, and I could hear as people walked by. When asked if they were male or female I found that I could actually tell which, when I trusted my instincts that is. We walked down an empty street and I could feel the difference of the pavement under my feet as well as hear the wind rushing through the trees. I could feel the fall, this is when I found a sacred space of my own to return to when I need clarity. He was more adventurous than I and led me to stand on rocks, explore structures, dance around objects (by his prompting, and fumble through a hedge. We walked by an Indian restaurant and I found myself surrounded in a world of intoxicating spices, shimmering bells, and bustling city.
I felt almost weightless.
And then it was over.
This experience was like a meditation, like taking time to experience the world as it is. As certain senses fade away, others become stronger and it is like discovering parts of yourself you did not even realize that you had forgotten. From the walk I am left wondering many things, but particularly this: when I led no one noticed or paid any mind to the two of us. Yet when he led I heard many people's happy laughter. Indeed, I was told that many who passed us smiled. What made for this difference?
By the end, my foul mood melted away as the cold after drinking warm tea.
-Terri, 22, Capitol Hill, Seattle, WA.
Friday, November 20, 2009
3 An Epic Walk in the Rain
After a few false starts in scheduling, Armen and I finally completed our blind walks together on a somewhat cold, rainy November day in Capitol Hill, Seattle. We'd had several lengthy conversations as a precursor to the event in which I laid out all of my expectations, good and bad:
1. I anticipated being overly self-conscious amongst strangers on the street (which is ridiculous, given my pride in participating in this event!).
2. I felt I was very likely to be completely preoccupied with safety - walking into things, tripping over things, bumping my head, jamming my fingers, etc. Ridiculous, yet again, because this is ideally an experiment to trust this issue (and many others) to the person that is leading the walk.
3. I expected that if this were done in a crowded area, much interest would be shown by on-lookers and passers-by.
4. I'd hoped that without the benefit of vision, this would awaken my remaining senses so that I would experience my surroundings in a heightened state of sensitivity to the world.
But first, Armen put the blindfold on and took his turn. So without much instruction beforehand, I immediately decided that I would lead in a way that would challenge his assumptions. I would not lead him arm-in-arm, but rather make him seek me out from afar with the aid of constant audible cues. To lead totally hands-free was the goal. And after a system of claps, stomps and finger-snaps were devised on the fly, I thought the system worked beautifully.
As the blindfolded participant, Armen seemed incredibly comfortable being visually impaired. He had even developed a (seemingly unconscious) tendency to shrug his shoulders and relax his muscles CONSTANTLY throughout his walk. It looked as though he were a marionette, and I found myself sharing secret chuckles with passers-by quite a lot.
One of the more immediate surprises I found in leading was Armen's complete lack of any sense of direction whatsoever. For some reason, I did not expect that walking in a straight line for just a few yards would be as difficult as he made it look. But believe me - when the blindfold was passed, I confirmed the difficulty in this challenge all over again!
But by far the most shocking part of leading was this general sense of disinterest from those around us. A few looks here and there, but for the most part, people were unwilling to break their stride to accommodate what I'm sure was a measurable level of interest in this unusual event taking place before them. In fact, not a single person had the courage to ask me what we were doing. I find this very sad.
So after leading Armen on quite a long walk, we ducked into a coffee shop to warm up a bit, and then the blindfold came out again - this time, for me.
And I have to admit, I felt incredibly awkward putting on the blindfold inside the coffee shop. In fact, I secretly herded the two of us outside before we began. But now that we were standing on the street, without quite the same proximity to others, I was ready to begin.
To my expectations, I felt pretty comfortable right away. Even in interacting with those that I could feel walk by. I felt more outgoing and less self-conscious than I did when I led Armen, as well as when I walk down the street by myself in general.
Armen seemed to invite the participation of others more than I. So much so that at one point, I felt the conversation die down, the grip on my shoulder change, and suddenly I was being led down the sidewalk by "Travis" rather than Armen. A very nice touch to the experiment, indeed!
I did turn out to be somewhat preoccupied with safety, but I trusted Armen completely. And I tried to show this at times by picking up the pace of my walk to a near-uncomfortable level, given my visual impairment. So I was happy that I could trust Armen so easily and freely in this regard, but what remained of my preoccupation with safety did seem to take away from my sensory awareness. Like I had a finite capacity for all things, and an unnecessary amount of this capacity was spent worrying that I might trip on a curb rather than smelling the flowers on a windowsill or listening to the birds in the trees.
Armen was certainly far more interested in investigating the obstacles in his path on his walk than I was on mine. I seemed to be more interested in the destination. Particularly because this was done in a familiar part of town for me, and I figured beforehand that I would not come across too many foreign objects, or be faced with too many novel, physical challenges. Not necessarily so, though!
So after being tricked by devious strangers duplicating our audible cues, being led around by passers-by, being kicked out of a mall by security personnel because blind walking is explicitly "against their policy," and being hit on in a very direct way by a member of the opposite sex named "Little T," it was time to call it a day.
I think the biggest thing I learned about myself is that I could be more inviting to others in everyday life. If I'm able to chip away at this sometimes overwhelming sense of self-consciousness I have (particularly in public, around those that I am not familiar with) and to become less sensitive about what others might think, it could very well lead to special, meaningful interactions with others. It is sad to think that when I led Armen, my perception was that those around us were not interested in what we were doing, yet when Armen led, the outside world came to life somewhat. We stopped and talked with many people when I had the blindfold on. So this is a clear commentary on me, and an issue that I hope to work on tremendously in time.
So all in all, this was a very positive experience. As it turns out, a VERY exhausting experience, but certainly a fruitful one, as well. I feel like I learned a bit about myself, and a bit about the outside world and this reality that we construct everyday, too. I believe strongly in the importance of the work that Armen is doing, and blind walking is just one of his many brainchilds. There is much to be gained from each of his projects, but the tricks are dissemination and application. To get the word out about what he is doing, and to provide the tools people need to maximize their potential from these activities. Tall tasks, indeed. But if there's one person that can do it, it just might be Armen. Because he's ambitious, yet somehow patient enough to change the world one measly person at a time. And he's certainly changed this person for the better. Heck, I was even closing my eyes on the way to the bus stop after we had finished, in tests to see how long I could maintain a straight line. Results notwithstanding, this has to be a good sign, right?
Bill Wolfe
Seattle, Washington
1. I anticipated being overly self-conscious amongst strangers on the street (which is ridiculous, given my pride in participating in this event!).
2. I felt I was very likely to be completely preoccupied with safety - walking into things, tripping over things, bumping my head, jamming my fingers, etc. Ridiculous, yet again, because this is ideally an experiment to trust this issue (and many others) to the person that is leading the walk.
3. I expected that if this were done in a crowded area, much interest would be shown by on-lookers and passers-by.
4. I'd hoped that without the benefit of vision, this would awaken my remaining senses so that I would experience my surroundings in a heightened state of sensitivity to the world.
But first, Armen put the blindfold on and took his turn. So without much instruction beforehand, I immediately decided that I would lead in a way that would challenge his assumptions. I would not lead him arm-in-arm, but rather make him seek me out from afar with the aid of constant audible cues. To lead totally hands-free was the goal. And after a system of claps, stomps and finger-snaps were devised on the fly, I thought the system worked beautifully.
As the blindfolded participant, Armen seemed incredibly comfortable being visually impaired. He had even developed a (seemingly unconscious) tendency to shrug his shoulders and relax his muscles CONSTANTLY throughout his walk. It looked as though he were a marionette, and I found myself sharing secret chuckles with passers-by quite a lot.
One of the more immediate surprises I found in leading was Armen's complete lack of any sense of direction whatsoever. For some reason, I did not expect that walking in a straight line for just a few yards would be as difficult as he made it look. But believe me - when the blindfold was passed, I confirmed the difficulty in this challenge all over again!
But by far the most shocking part of leading was this general sense of disinterest from those around us. A few looks here and there, but for the most part, people were unwilling to break their stride to accommodate what I'm sure was a measurable level of interest in this unusual event taking place before them. In fact, not a single person had the courage to ask me what we were doing. I find this very sad.
So after leading Armen on quite a long walk, we ducked into a coffee shop to warm up a bit, and then the blindfold came out again - this time, for me.
And I have to admit, I felt incredibly awkward putting on the blindfold inside the coffee shop. In fact, I secretly herded the two of us outside before we began. But now that we were standing on the street, without quite the same proximity to others, I was ready to begin.
To my expectations, I felt pretty comfortable right away. Even in interacting with those that I could feel walk by. I felt more outgoing and less self-conscious than I did when I led Armen, as well as when I walk down the street by myself in general.
Armen seemed to invite the participation of others more than I. So much so that at one point, I felt the conversation die down, the grip on my shoulder change, and suddenly I was being led down the sidewalk by "Travis" rather than Armen. A very nice touch to the experiment, indeed!
I did turn out to be somewhat preoccupied with safety, but I trusted Armen completely. And I tried to show this at times by picking up the pace of my walk to a near-uncomfortable level, given my visual impairment. So I was happy that I could trust Armen so easily and freely in this regard, but what remained of my preoccupation with safety did seem to take away from my sensory awareness. Like I had a finite capacity for all things, and an unnecessary amount of this capacity was spent worrying that I might trip on a curb rather than smelling the flowers on a windowsill or listening to the birds in the trees.
Armen was certainly far more interested in investigating the obstacles in his path on his walk than I was on mine. I seemed to be more interested in the destination. Particularly because this was done in a familiar part of town for me, and I figured beforehand that I would not come across too many foreign objects, or be faced with too many novel, physical challenges. Not necessarily so, though!
So after being tricked by devious strangers duplicating our audible cues, being led around by passers-by, being kicked out of a mall by security personnel because blind walking is explicitly "against their policy," and being hit on in a very direct way by a member of the opposite sex named "Little T," it was time to call it a day.
I think the biggest thing I learned about myself is that I could be more inviting to others in everyday life. If I'm able to chip away at this sometimes overwhelming sense of self-consciousness I have (particularly in public, around those that I am not familiar with) and to become less sensitive about what others might think, it could very well lead to special, meaningful interactions with others. It is sad to think that when I led Armen, my perception was that those around us were not interested in what we were doing, yet when Armen led, the outside world came to life somewhat. We stopped and talked with many people when I had the blindfold on. So this is a clear commentary on me, and an issue that I hope to work on tremendously in time.
So all in all, this was a very positive experience. As it turns out, a VERY exhausting experience, but certainly a fruitful one, as well. I feel like I learned a bit about myself, and a bit about the outside world and this reality that we construct everyday, too. I believe strongly in the importance of the work that Armen is doing, and blind walking is just one of his many brainchilds. There is much to be gained from each of his projects, but the tricks are dissemination and application. To get the word out about what he is doing, and to provide the tools people need to maximize their potential from these activities. Tall tasks, indeed. But if there's one person that can do it, it just might be Armen. Because he's ambitious, yet somehow patient enough to change the world one measly person at a time. And he's certainly changed this person for the better. Heck, I was even closing my eyes on the way to the bus stop after we had finished, in tests to see how long I could maintain a straight line. Results notwithstanding, this has to be a good sign, right?
Bill Wolfe
Seattle, Washington
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
2 Climbing the Water Tower
When I first encountered Armen and heard about this idea, I was very excited to participate. That excitement built once we had our first meeting and realized what shared hearts we have! Surrender and experimentation has been a theme in my life for several years and I was eager to begin. I've been looking forward to today all week and felt a huge sense of delight when I saw Armen walk up to our location.
I appreciated how we just jumped right in with him putting on the blindfold and me reaching out to take his arm in mine. After the first awkward step I began to relax and realized how important it was to just tune in. My early experience with training animals helped me with non-verbal cues which I challenged myself to use.
After a moment of surprise, I was filled with delight at how playful and adventuresome Armen was in his blindfold. It was fun to watch him climb up on the statues and fun to sit behind him and share that experience. I realized through the experience that I felt very protective and responsible for his safety but that never came with a feeling of heaviness. He was so filled with awe and wonder, I felt deeply connected to him and enjoyed the feeling of union that this experience engendered. I realized that I never really got into a thinking place because I was very focused on every moment as it unfolded. It brought me joy to lead him to new things to experience sensually. I loved having him hug the tree and reaching around from the other side to touch his hands. I loved handing him the chestnut to feel and really enjoyed having him play with the leaves.
Walking up the water tower was especially fun because I knew how much he would love it. It's as though every moment brought more opportunities to bring him a gift. I wanted him to feel joy and awe and I felt it with him. There was no worry, just present moment awareness and loving, joyful play.
Sitting at the top of the water tower and reflecting on the experience was wonderful because the deep feeling of connection never stopped. I just kept feeling my way along with him. Fabulous!
When I was the one with the blindfold, I felt a strong sense of trust. I totally opened to the experience and just let myself go. It was fun to feel how much more open and fearless his energy was. Whereas I felt protective of him, I didn't feel him wanting to protect me. I felt him wanting to challenge me and guide me along. I trusted him more than I trusted my body to cooperate because I had a heavy backpack on and my knee gives me trouble. I knew as long as was mindful of my own equilibrium, I would be safe with his light, gentle touch.
The obstacle course he put me on, the stairs I climbed and the way he led me to go faster and faster was exciting! I felt myself filled with delight and joy and felt little sparks around my heart the entire time. I felt a sense that it was over but just wanted to dance and jump around after wards because I was so filled with delight.
I don't really know Armen at all and yet I do. The act of trusting another soul and just surrendering to the moment as it unfolds brought us to a place of connection that I honestly don't think will ever be broken. It's as though this whole experience just dissolved any walls between us and I feel affection and love for him like I do my children. Just pure openness. It's a beautiful feeling.
Seattle, WA
Kymberlee della Luce
Age 43
I appreciated how we just jumped right in with him putting on the blindfold and me reaching out to take his arm in mine. After the first awkward step I began to relax and realized how important it was to just tune in. My early experience with training animals helped me with non-verbal cues which I challenged myself to use.
After a moment of surprise, I was filled with delight at how playful and adventuresome Armen was in his blindfold. It was fun to watch him climb up on the statues and fun to sit behind him and share that experience. I realized through the experience that I felt very protective and responsible for his safety but that never came with a feeling of heaviness. He was so filled with awe and wonder, I felt deeply connected to him and enjoyed the feeling of union that this experience engendered. I realized that I never really got into a thinking place because I was very focused on every moment as it unfolded. It brought me joy to lead him to new things to experience sensually. I loved having him hug the tree and reaching around from the other side to touch his hands. I loved handing him the chestnut to feel and really enjoyed having him play with the leaves.
Walking up the water tower was especially fun because I knew how much he would love it. It's as though every moment brought more opportunities to bring him a gift. I wanted him to feel joy and awe and I felt it with him. There was no worry, just present moment awareness and loving, joyful play.
Sitting at the top of the water tower and reflecting on the experience was wonderful because the deep feeling of connection never stopped. I just kept feeling my way along with him. Fabulous!
When I was the one with the blindfold, I felt a strong sense of trust. I totally opened to the experience and just let myself go. It was fun to feel how much more open and fearless his energy was. Whereas I felt protective of him, I didn't feel him wanting to protect me. I felt him wanting to challenge me and guide me along. I trusted him more than I trusted my body to cooperate because I had a heavy backpack on and my knee gives me trouble. I knew as long as was mindful of my own equilibrium, I would be safe with his light, gentle touch.
The obstacle course he put me on, the stairs I climbed and the way he led me to go faster and faster was exciting! I felt myself filled with delight and joy and felt little sparks around my heart the entire time. I felt a sense that it was over but just wanted to dance and jump around after wards because I was so filled with delight.
I don't really know Armen at all and yet I do. The act of trusting another soul and just surrendering to the moment as it unfolds brought us to a place of connection that I honestly don't think will ever be broken. It's as though this whole experience just dissolved any walls between us and I feel affection and love for him like I do my children. Just pure openness. It's a beautiful feeling.
Seattle, WA
Kymberlee della Luce
Age 43
Friday, June 12, 2009
1 Holding Hands with Mother Archetype
i tied a bandana around armen's head and he couldn't see, and then we went for a walk. i took his hand in mine because it seemed like the most obvious thing to do, a simple way to guide and to keep him safe. that was my main concern while guiding-- i didn't want armen to feel unsafe, or uncomfortable, and i was hypersensitive of his physical responses in order to try to gain insight on how he felt with each step. i looked at the ground, at armen's face, and then around us. ground, face, around-- over and over, keeping a check on the safety both on the inside&outside of armen. i saw some people i know-- lots, actually, but most of them, instead of the usual smile & "hello," simply cocked their heads in confusion or gave a half-hearted wave. one of my close friends, in particular, scurried by-- i think she didn't see the blindfold, but she saw us holding hands, and probably left with an inaccurate impression of the situation. i wasn't very concerned about the judgement, which is even a bit surprising to me. didn't seem important, i suppose.
during my time leading armen, he gave me clues that he wanted more freedom, and while i was mostly comfortable letting him a few feet away from me, i felt much more safe when i could physically hang onto his body. i was very much concerned that i would make a mistake in letting him go too far without my hands&eyes to keep him entirely safe. mother archetype in action.
i really loved being led. i generally don't easily access these places of vulnerability within myself, but i felt very comfortable with armen and maintained a solid understanding that he would protect me-- his very nature states that this might often be the case in situations where a person shares their weaknesses with him. in guiding, he was much more adventurous than i was, which i appreciated. i felt confident in myself that he might think i could handle these situations (simple things, like walking up stairs, or into a store, or climbing over something), and also genuinely felt safe walking his path. almost everything i touched made me laugh because i was forced to immediately understand it differently than maybe i would have normally-- i felt a flower and imagined it to be an incredible shade of orange, and the fact that my brain immediately went there was just plain silly to me. in a store, i touched a stuffed animal that (i was told) had bright orange hair, and so-- well, it all felt very silly, and childlike-- imagining, wondering, feeling out. i thought about how my ten-to-eighteen year old friends at the youth center where i work are all essentially doing the same things socially, and emotionally, and how we all are, for the most part, walking blind in every new situation we encounter in our lives.
armen was talking last night, i think, about how, in order to work effectively inside of human communities, a person needs to maintain a certain fluidity-- situations and interactions and experiences aren't, and can't be, pre-programmed. i thought about this on our walk, most while being led, and about how i can more often work this into my daily actions.
i realized a few things from this blind walk; my desire to be vulnerable, my intuitive and nurturing nature, and my position (and yours) as an almost literal blind walker throughout our existences as human beings on the earth. this is some pretty important stuff i'm opening myself to.
brittany martel
brattleboro, vt
during my time leading armen, he gave me clues that he wanted more freedom, and while i was mostly comfortable letting him a few feet away from me, i felt much more safe when i could physically hang onto his body. i was very much concerned that i would make a mistake in letting him go too far without my hands&eyes to keep him entirely safe. mother archetype in action.
i really loved being led. i generally don't easily access these places of vulnerability within myself, but i felt very comfortable with armen and maintained a solid understanding that he would protect me-- his very nature states that this might often be the case in situations where a person shares their weaknesses with him. in guiding, he was much more adventurous than i was, which i appreciated. i felt confident in myself that he might think i could handle these situations (simple things, like walking up stairs, or into a store, or climbing over something), and also genuinely felt safe walking his path. almost everything i touched made me laugh because i was forced to immediately understand it differently than maybe i would have normally-- i felt a flower and imagined it to be an incredible shade of orange, and the fact that my brain immediately went there was just plain silly to me. in a store, i touched a stuffed animal that (i was told) had bright orange hair, and so-- well, it all felt very silly, and childlike-- imagining, wondering, feeling out. i thought about how my ten-to-eighteen year old friends at the youth center where i work are all essentially doing the same things socially, and emotionally, and how we all are, for the most part, walking blind in every new situation we encounter in our lives.
armen was talking last night, i think, about how, in order to work effectively inside of human communities, a person needs to maintain a certain fluidity-- situations and interactions and experiences aren't, and can't be, pre-programmed. i thought about this on our walk, most while being led, and about how i can more often work this into my daily actions.
i realized a few things from this blind walk; my desire to be vulnerable, my intuitive and nurturing nature, and my position (and yours) as an almost literal blind walker throughout our existences as human beings on the earth. this is some pretty important stuff i'm opening myself to.
brittany martel
brattleboro, vt
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